Commitment

Men are from Mars; Women from Venus. I've been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend for over 6 years now. And I'd like to stress on the word wonderful coz it's been a long distance relationship. Empathizers would appreciate the effort it takes to keep it ticking. Temptations and subsequent insecurity are amongst the vestigial emotions that creep in. Add to it the vagaries in the schedule, the difference in the ways men and women think and you have a neat little problem at hand.

It's quite dangerous how accustomed you can get to your daily schedule. As a male (and males are stupid when it comes to emotions), the only time I missed her was when I saw other couples canoodling or when I had time on my hand to while away. It was quite different with her. She preferred to stay alone (she likes her own space) and the emptiness of her house haunted her to no end as she returned from her school each day. Our talks were a whirl of me not being there for her and me sulking away for that. It's not that I did'nt want to be. The fact that she stayed in a different country compounded the problems.

This Feb (2007) when she came to India, I proposed to her (formally). Our wedding date has been fixed for the 4th of December 2007. She just had a bridal shower thrown for her by her pals down in the States. The females in my life (my girl and my mum), simply can't get enough of the readying for the wedding.

Needless to say, there has been a wonderful change in her attitude. Her empty house is no more "empty". She now looks at it as a home where we would live in, happily ever after.

Onsite!

The word holds tremendous depth. It's not just a word but a way of life. Its importance cannot be exaggerated for the plebs otherwise known as Software Engineers. You may wonder why I, time and again, revert to this unfortunate breed. I'm their lead bencher and I've lived my entire earning life being one of them! :)

When I joined Infy, I had no idea of the word's preponderance. I mean who would have imagined that it would be possible for a middle class person to go to "phoren" unless he got an excellent GRE & TOEFL scores (which I did) and a full scholarship (which I again did) and got his F-1 visa (which I did'nt; doubly comfirmed). Some of the folks I know did'nt get the first two but happily flew to the "phorenland" coz they had the third! The two visa rejections instilled this trepidation of "goras" in me; to the extent that I even started wondering whether I would ever clear ANY interview!

Gradually as I hopped jobs, the ANY interview fear was eradicated but the "gora" interview fear still clinged on. The intensity diminished though not because I grew in confidence but because slowly the realization dawned on me that a "phoren" trip may remain a dream after all. And it was not because of my performance. Far from it. I stood the 5th amongst 180 students despite having a Chemical Engineering background in the Infy evaluation exam which was administered after 4 months of intensive training. A nicely screwed up randomized system decides who goes into which project and its the project which decides an onsite opportunity. Well, it stayed this way for 3.5 years.

I then joined Capgemini and grew quickly into an indispensable resource. Honestly, I'd attribute my rise to the paucity of resources in the technology I work in. But then again, it never harms to grab a bit of credit :). I got this chance to work for a client in the UK. The place, London. The difference from earlier projects? This had an onsite opportunity! Yours truly unhesitatingly volunteered for the trip, submitted his passport and even got the visa! Where's the "gora" interview fear gone, you may ask. Sir, the time I applied for the UK visa, the Queen's embassy thought it quite unnecessary to conduct interviews. I should admit that I was shit scared till I got back my passport that my passport would contain a beautiful UK rejection. You have to ask my wife about the hell she underwent during the "uncertain" period. Fortunately, the stars and the company name worked in my favor and I undertook a lovely 3 month trip to London (more on the trip in another post).

I finally got the Onsite after 3.5 years in the Software Industry. A long period by any standards but I'd gotten it and that's what mattered. It is extremely important to have that first break. Everything automatically falls in place after that.

You know what? I no longer needed to crib about folks with lesser IQ being in foreign lands while I "languished" in India. Why, I even found out that the onsite thing is not as great as the never-been-abroad folks make it out to be. But then no one understands it based on hearsay. Experience is the ONLY teacher.

Procrastination

Aaarghh!! Lemme brush away the new sheath that the monster(?) suffocates me with and actually get down to writing this.

There have been innumerable cases wherein supposedly brilliant individuals (or so they thought) have been subjugated by this savage. Ironically, it creeps upto you so silently, you'd be a master to actually realize that you are in hostile territory. What you actually get to see is just fat pay, no/less work, good girls and endless time for self-development. You just have to look through it. You're gettin stuck in a mire. Nossir! There's no self-development. You just a fat bum!

And how does the hostility strike you? Through it's clarity. It's clear that you are getting wasted but there's nothing you can do about it. A case in point? I took up and completed this post after 3 months! Jezus.........

The Insensate

The phone rang loudly, rudely waking from her disturbed slumber. The timepiece besides her bed let her know that it was 1:00. A glance outside her window confirmed that the night was still young. She pulled the sheets closer to counter the chill blast of wind that hit her through the open window. She reminded herself to fix the broken window pane. Her inconsistent and miserly pay did not help ameliorate the situation. The incessant rings of the phone jerked her back to consciousness jarring her already frazzled nerves. Would she be able to handle it this time around?

She hated this job. She promised herself that she would try to regain the receptionist’s job that she had left. Painful memories of her being taken advantage trying to hit on her rushed back, making her nauseous. Prospects of a better experience this time around quenched her resistance and she picked up the phone. It was from the Smiths who lived 2 streets away. It was not difficult to miss their huge mansion as you walked to the market. Not that she made frequent trips to the market. She got dressed and was on her way. She had to be careful to alter her appearance at each outing so that people would not recognize her. She grimaced at the irony of the situation.

The cold wind seemed to complete the overall picture of cheerlessness. She evaded a drunken man who lay in the garbage dump. He swore at her and passed lewd comments. She had grown used to it. What could a lonely widow do? A pall of gloom descended on her as she neared the Smith’s residence. She remembered playing with their grubby child, Timmy. Their nanny was one of her few friends. She fervently wished and hoped it would not be Timmy. The loud wailing that she heard at the Smith’s did not disturb her. She wondered to herself whether she had gone so cold so as to block off any emotion. She walked in and kneeled next to the cadaver. It was Timmy. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She sobbed uncontrollably as she had learnt to. Just this time, real tears were concomitants to the artificial ones. Why was it that god had to snatch away the persons that she knew?

Her friend and colleague had to remind her to control herself and not to make it all overdramatic. Subtlety was indispensable in her profession too. After everyone had left, she and her colleague went up to Mrs. Smith and collected their dues. Now she could have the window pane fixed.

She trudged back home, wiped the glycerin off her face, mixed herself a drink and waited for the next call. A Mourner has irregular job hours......